As I think I've redundantly stated in this blog numerous times, I'm someone whose feelings and opinions have changed throughout the course of his life a great amount. It's not that I can't make up my mind, rather... well, actually, that's kinda it.
I've always been somewhat of a living contradiction. If you read the title of this blog you will see the words "Eddie Wants Fame" (it just occurred to me how hilarious "EWF" sounds) and while that statement is not a lie, it is, at times, very...flexible.
In case you haven't owned a TV within the last 100 or so years, celebrities are people who can't afford to have the hope of living a simple, happy life. Celebrities are people who (the majority, anyhow) cannot stay in a relationship and cannot go to Wendy's without it being on the cover of People magazine. For most of my life, I've been okay with those ideas. The thought of being known and worshiped by all while living an exciting life doing something I love to do has just been a driving force for nearly everything I do. Even if it's not that extreme, it'd be great to walk down the street and have people say, "Oh my God, is that really who I think it is?". Or maybe just go on TV for an interview with Ellen DeGeneres or Good Morning America. I've always only thought about my own future in that one respect, and focused entirely on that one dream.
But since childhood, I've had two ideas that made me happier than anything to think about. These two ideas have been with me forever, and while the first one (my wanting to be famous) has always been my driving force and the one that occupied most of my time, the other one is an extreme contradiction to it. The one thing in my life that's competed with my dream for fame has been the dream of having a normal life.
Now, I'm completely aware that the reasons why this is really stupid are immediately apparent to anyone reading this. It's an oxymoron to say that you want to be famous and still lead a normal life. It's like saying you want to be a pilot who never flies.Maybe it's just my basic human instinct that makes me want such a thing as to live "normally". Perhaps it's just in my DNA that I want to have a simple career that pays well yet I still enjoy, and settle down with a beautiful woman in a nice house with kids and live the rest of my days in simplicity, only ever worrying about the same things that any other American has to deal with. The thought of waking up in the morning to see a woman I'm married to and maybe spending the day doing nothing extremely significant to anything other than my enjoyment makes me happy beyond belief.
So... what is a guy to do when he wants to be known by all but also wants to live a life where the only people who know him are the people that he knows?
Obviously such a thing is, to some degree, achievable. There are stars and well-known people who live relatively normal lives and just go day to day spending their time with their loved ones. But that's one of those gambles that would be very unwise to bet on. I know that perhaps if I found some sort of job that brought a degree of well-known...ness, that I could maybe do from home or not have to go very far, then that would work just fine. But once more, that doesn't leave me with much. Being the ignorant teenager I am, I know of no such careers unless you live in a place like New York or California. Not to mention, having such an open-ended goal doesn't quite give me the motivation that "I want to be a movie star" does. It doesn't give me a place to start, it doesn't give me any ideas for something to major in when I'm off to college, and it doesn't give me anything to prepare for while I still have time.
Thank goodness I'm still young and I DO still have time. But when the clock is ticking and college approaches nearer and nearer, that soon brings very little comfort.
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